I Believe!

Every man must have a belief, and I’ve had myself a think.
My faith is strong and brings such relief, I believe I’ll have another drink.

I get so drunk I can’t lie down straight; that’s when I find inspiration
So what I have to say about sobriety is – it’s ok in moderation.

They say drink makes a fool of a man, I’ve seen it many times
but men are such fools to start with, booze merely compounds the crime!

Some folk live free of confusion, sobriety is what they choose
but I know reality’s the illusion, caused by a shortage of booze!

I’m an intelligent man, well read and informed and I’m sure I know all the rules
But I’m literally forced to get wasted sometimes, so I can spend a little time with fools.

Give me whiskey in the bath, brandy in my bed
I’ll take a gin with my dinner, spread Guinness on my bread.
I’d like vodka in the parlour, red wine at the hearth
I’ll know if I’m drunk when holding one blade of grass
Stops me sliding from the face of the earth.

My wife said she had a problem ‘coz the thrill from our marriage was over.
I asked her to tell me where I’d gone wrong, she said, “When you’re not drunk, you’re sober!”

I’ve been pickled in whisky so frequently
I may even survive for eternity
Alcohol preserves everything, so they tell me –
except maybe secrets and dignity!

If you should transgress and break the law,
They’ll bring out the test have you blow in a straw
And the sardonic cop with his sarcastic wisdom,
will jest,” There’s some blood in your alcohol system”
Well his test just reflects something we all neglect,
for I know the test that we need…
as well as drunken driving,
Why not one for ignorance and greed?

Some say’ life is a waste of time’ others; ‘time is a waste of life’.
I choose to get wasted all of the time and have the time of my life.

Every man must have a belief and I’ve had myself a think.
My faith is strong and such a relief, I believe I’ll have another drink.